if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
