i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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