the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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