sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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