I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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