just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
