found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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