walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
