Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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