It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
