i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
