i permit you to call me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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