I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
