what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
