Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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