He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Randomize
