you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
