So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
