So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
