what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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