he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
