Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
