I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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