Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
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I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
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I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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