Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
