her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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