Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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