At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
