I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
