proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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