Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
