Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
