Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
