But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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