i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
