it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
