what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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