kristin has been a bad kristin
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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