i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
