Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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