I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
