Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
