I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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