I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My pussy is not your playground.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
