theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
