I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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