watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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