turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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