Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Randomize
