I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
