There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I wear drunk well.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
