a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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