My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
