FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
