Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
