I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
