The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
