The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
