Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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