can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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