The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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