If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
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This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
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I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...