you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
