Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...

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  (631): I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf... http://tfl.nu/qnwa
  Replies (12) Good night (1007) Bad night (3719)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room

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  (267): You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room http://tfl.nu/2vn0
  Replies (12) Good night (4384) Bad night (1123)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.

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  (205): Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that. http://tfl.nu/r5hc
  Replies (33) Good night (3951) Bad night (1236)
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  (585): View more from New York

  any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?

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  (585): any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later? http://tfl.nu/w8i3
  Replies (16) Good night (5939) Bad night (1093)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.

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  (719): I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from. http://tfl.nu/jlyb
  Replies (2) Good night (1934) Bad night (902)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.

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  (785): Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before. http://tfl.nu/gt36
  Replies (6) Good night (1709) Bad night (1580)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?

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  (314): who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night? http://tfl.nu/qhm4
  Replies (3) Good night (1941) Bad night (831)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.

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  (609): I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception. http://tfl.nu/z6mj
  Replies (13) Good night (1916) Bad night (1369)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.

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  (248): I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose. http://tfl.nu/jv76
  Replies (7) Good night (1791) Bad night (789)
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  (310): View more from California

  Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today

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  (310): Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today http://tfl.nu/yb5r
  Replies (5) Good night (1002) Bad night (478)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.

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  (563): I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took. http://tfl.nu/2cez
  Replies (7) Good night (1299) Bad night (486)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know

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  (908): We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know http://tfl.nu/8q22
  Replies (5) Good night (806) Bad night (338)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!

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  (+44): Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas! http://tfl.nu/iawo
  Replies (0) Good night (682) Bad night (265)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.

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  (440): The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch. http://tfl.nu/uy0f
  Replies (2) Good night (863) Bad night (277)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.

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  (716): Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped. http://tfl.nu/yje2
  Replies (3) Good night (359) Bad night (895)

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