Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'

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  (630): there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is' http://tfl.nu/8psl
  Replies (61) Good night (7509) Bad night (889)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option

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  (256): 'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option http://tfl.nu/mpq0
  Replies (18) Good night (5331) Bad night (1718)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive

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  (609): imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive http://tfl.nu/r061
  Replies (50) Good night (4181) Bad night (1073)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.

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  (+61): I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy. http://tfl.nu/xos0
  Replies (10) Good night (5739) Bad night (857)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.

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  (505): new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse. http://tfl.nu/qxpq
  Replies (6) Good night (2562) Bad night (758)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible

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  (816): I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible http://tfl.nu/v92i
  Replies (3) Good night (2350) Bad night (754)
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  (+55): View more from

  Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.

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  (+55): Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept. http://tfl.nu/o11x
  Replies (6) Good night (1475) Bad night (577)
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  (760): View more from California

  Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!

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  (760): Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it! http://tfl.nu/qsog
  Replies (10) Good night (2301) Bad night (681)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.

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  (440): im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know. http://tfl.nu/c5k4
  Replies (11) Good night (2186) Bad night (480)
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  (754): View more from Florida

  Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.

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  (754): Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now. http://tfl.nu/vbv9
  Replies (6) Good night (1000) Bad night (524)
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  (415): View more from California

  He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type

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  (415): He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type http://tfl.nu/pqp7
  Replies (6) Good night (656) Bad night (591)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?

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  (913): How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex? http://tfl.nu/1k3m
  Replies (0) Good night (576) Bad night (286)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?

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  (954): So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night? http://tfl.nu/6630
  Replies (1) Good night (611) Bad night (312)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.

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  (478): But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me. http://tfl.nu/3lii
  Replies (2) Good night (653) Bad night (240)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder

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  (845): I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder http://tfl.nu/kklv
  Replies (1) Good night (205) Bad night (559)

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