a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
