He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
