Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
