you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I think people are normalizing furries
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
