Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
