What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
50% drunk capacity currently
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
