your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
