operation harelip BJ is a go
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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