I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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